But pain can only help you find happiness if you remember it.” Other times pain acts as a compass to help you through the messier tunnels of growing up. “Sometimes pain is so unmanageable that the idea of spending another day with it seems impossible. Aaron knows he will lose his friends and he will be beaten to within an inch of his life if it’s revealed, but he can’t not feel the way he does when he’s around Thomas. Being gay where he lives feels more like a death sentence than a revelation. When Aaron’s girlfriend Genevieve goes away to art camp for three weeks the relationship between Aaron and Thomas changes, and Aaron starts to feel things he knows he shouldn’t. He lives in a different block and chases after a future that seems constantly out of his grasp but there’s something about Thomas draws Aaron in, and in a world without his father maybe Thomas is someone Aaron needs in his life. Thomas is not like Aaron or any of the friends he has. The grief is still there but he can look past it to his future with his girlfriend, and his summer with his friends. It’s been months since his father’s suicide and his own attempt and Aaron is finally moving forwards again. Since Aaron can’t stay away from Thomas or turn off his newfound feelings for him, he considers turning to the Leteo Institute’s revolutionary memory-alteration procedure to straighten himself out, even if it means forgetting who he truly is. But Aaron can’t deny the happiness Thomas brings or how Thomas makes him feel safe from himself, despite the tensions their friendship is stirring with his girlfriend and friends. Aaron’s crew notices, and they’re not exactly thrilled. When Genevieve leaves for a couple of weeks, Aaron spends all his time hanging out with this new guy, Thomas. But grief and the smile-shaped scar on his wrist prevent him from forgetting completely. With the support of his girlfriend Genevieve and his overworked mom, he’s slowly remembering what that might feel like. In the months after his father’s suicide, it’s been tough for sixteen-year-old Aaron Soto to find happiness again-but he’s still gunning for it. In his twisty, gritty, profoundly moving New York Times bestselling-debut–also called “mandatory reading” and selected as an Editors’ Choice by the New York Times–Adam Silvera brings to life a charged, dangerous near-future summer in the Bronx.

More happy than not ending